One Step at a Time

I like to think in analogies, parables, and allegories, it helps me to make sense of my own life, and the journey that I am on.

I imagine my life is like a hike through the mountains, seeking for some unknown, or even if somewhat known, not yet experienced destination.

I walk, and I walk, sometimes going forward, sometimes backwards, sometimes up, sometimes down. It seems that within any given moment, I have three choices. One, I can stay where I am, just not move. This is somewhat comforting, since it removes a lot of the unknown, but it also guarantees I will never reach the destination. Two, I can go backwards, to where I came. The issue with this option, is the there often times is no way back, almost as if I forgot the way I came.

That leaves the third option, the only way to really reach my destination, to move on. Maybe it means forward, maybe it means backward for a moment, maybe it means up, down, or somewhere to the side. But to move means I am going into the unknown.

As I move through the unknown, I find, again, and again, that sometimes, the scenery is beautiful, the sunsets are vibrant, and the breeze is cool. Other times, it becomes dangerous, it gets dark, and there is no sun. And again, in these scenarios, I find I have the same three options.

There is a somewhat safer path, that each society creates for us. The pioneers of whatever cultures we live in, created a social norm for us to follow. It feels safer, because it's what other's perceive as normal. When we walk the way they walk, talk they way they talk, then it ensures we are all on the same path.

And yet, the thing I have observed, is we aren't on the same path, just the illusion of it.

As I am on my current path, pursuing the goal of becoming an author, I am seeing a new path. A path of self discovery, and self-realization. Here is the truth, in order to write something that other people find of great worth, you must be willing to risk something of great worth.

In the world of school and work, you are often judged by the level of excellence to which you execute a task or project. I have never had a problem with this, it has never been difficult for me to put the effort in to do good work. The sacrifice is only my time and my effort. It is different with the creative arts.

I am now coming to a steep cliff on my journey, where I must pull out the rope from my pack, and repel down. Or I can turn back, but I don't see that as an option. The void below me is the sacrifice required to write something really worth reading, and that is the risk, and the sacrifice, of writing from the heart.

It was scary to take the first step into doing something like this, but quickly became an exciting adventure. I have written a good portion of my book, built this website, and then built an entire SaaS platform (Cardel), so other authors could build their own website. And yet, here I am, at the edge of the cliff.

This post in its own right is me anchoring the rope to the tree, and slipping over the edge, to repel into the abyss.

I have always been able to take the hard path, but never have I had the strength to write from my heart. If my work is judged, I see it as valuable, because I can work harder, and create better work. There is always a solution. But if my heart it judged, it's something I cannot so easily change, or maybe not change at all.

As I have been writing the words of my book, up to this point, I have been writing from my mind, from my emotions, but not as completely from the heart. This is what has been stopping me. So I have poured many hours and weeks and months into building products, creating tools, but avoiding the most important part, the writing. Because writing from the heart comes at a much greater cost.

There is the risk that I will run out of rope, and fall into the abyss, a point of no return. But that risk, is now worth it to me. If I do not write from the heart, those of you who read my book, will never know the way I experienced the story, the characters, the world. I must write it from the place that makes me risk being a failure, or else it will only be a facade.

I cannot change the imperfection that exists inside of me, or in my writing, but this is true for everyone. And that is what we relate to. We relate to the pain, and the difficulty of the journey, of the hike. In this life, no matter our perceived destination, it is still in some ways an unknown to us all. The one thing we do know, is the pains, and the joys, that we have experienced along the way.

I don't want to write like AI, I don't want it be without grammatical error. I want my writing to be from the heart, and not just from some unknown abstract philosophically shaped heart, but from mine alone. And that is what I now intend to do. To write, to create, to build, in a different way.

One step at a time.